X-men: Bast (sex parody)

The spacious halls of Prestonwood Academy were empty and abandoned with the exception for three people marching purposefully down their lengths, shoes clicking sharply on the polished marble floor. The halls stretched out, lengthy corridors kept immaculately clean and orderly. Old portraits depicted stern elderly men looking down upon the viewer, and class collages showed off the most recent graduating classmen. A case here and there held trophies and awards in various fields of excellence, mostly academic spotted with the occasional athletic achievement. Like most high schools, lockers lined the walls. Unlike most, however, these lockers were quite large, almost two feet wide each and well spaced to avoid cramping a neighboring unit. They were handcrafted and stained, a rich and rather expensive looking mahogany. The lockers had built in combination locks and each was adorned with a brass nameplate, lavishly engraved to proudly display the name and class year of each student. The names of future lawyers, doctors, and…

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Ellen Page confesses her love to Maggie Gyllenhaal

Maggie was woken in the middle of the night by a knock on her apartment’s front door. She looked at her alarm clock; it was about three in the morning. It was also pouring outside. She went to answer the door, grumbling to herself, “This better be fucking good.” She opened the door to find Ellen there, dripping wet. “Hey, Mags.” “Shit, Ellen, did you walk here in the rain? Get inside, and get those off!” Ellen came in. “Listen, Mags, I need to talk to you.” “Get out of those first. I’m gonna go run the shower.” Ellen stood under the hot water, eyes closed. She was shivering when she got out of her clothes, but was warming up now. Later, she sat on Maggie’s couch, with a hot cup of tea, wearing a bathrobe that was too big for her. “That’s all I could find,” Maggie said, “Obviously, I don’t have anything in your size.” “S’okay,” Ellen whispered….

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JAG: Cottage on the Cliff

They had left the world of military protocol far behind them. John and Sarah pulled into the driveway of their remote cottage, far from the prying eyes of the world, on a cliff overlooking the East China Sea. “We’re here.” John said, cutting the engine and letting her absorb the atmosphere. “What do you think?” “Oh, John…it’s beautiful!” she smiled, her hand resting gently on his thigh. Before her lay a traditional Japanese cottage, complete with Okinawan “shisas”, Japanese spirit guards, looking benignly from its red-tiled roof. Touching her lips to his, Sarah gently stroked the firm line of her lover’s jaw, feeling the passion rising within her. “Let’s go inside,” she said heatedly, “I want to see everything!” The cottage was like something out of a Japanese fairytale. It was square in design, with a small, intimate garden, a traditional “fukushu-en”, nestled quietly in its heart. Sarah heard the soft trickle of water, and turned to see a delicate…

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Harry and Hermione move to the next level

“Attention, students,” Madam Pomfrey’s voice sang out. “Class is now in session.” Harry turned to Ron and blushed. “I can’t believe that second termers actually learn about reproduction.” “It’s not reproduction, Harry, it’s sex. And you have to learn it this year. All magicians do.” “Why? Muggles would never dream of teaching kids our age how to have sex. The school administration would be fired and all the teachers run out of town.” “It’s different for the magic-born,” Ron replied. “Witches mature earlier than Muggle females, between ten and twelve, and they don’t get menses until they come of age, at seventeen. Also, they don’t have hymens, so there is none of the pain Muggles associate with the first sex act. Plus magic-born teenagers are not looked down upon for having sex, in fact, they are expected to. Wizards develop sexually just as Muggle boys do, but again between ten and twelve, so during the teen years magic-born kids are…

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Kathryn Erbe: Sexbomb – Law and Order

FADE IN: EXT. FROM ABOVE BIG CITY BUILDINGS NIGHT K. E. (V.O.) In this day of global corporatocracy, powerful and rich men are in danger for their SECRETS as they conduct business on never before known scales. When their private security fails them, they have one last hope. Kathryn Erbe is a super hero for a new age. Someone who cannot be bought. She works on her own initiative and provocation. On a dark, rain soaked night in a big city, a very rich man is in danger of his secrets by a group of highly trained foreign agents. If they catch him, they might take him to an expensive restaurant and PLY him with coffee, forcing the loquacious executive to tell all. All of his security has been eluded and he has run away from his car trying to escape. Taking him by surprise, a black Ferrari targa sports car SKIDS to a stop, on the curb next to…

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Backstage encounter with rock band frontman, Jared Leto

I stood in front of the mirror, the twin reflection staring back at me as I assessed my appearance with a critical examination. I felt as though I was walking through a funhouse of distorted glass. Surely, this was not the way I truly looked. I immediately chided myself, “Don’t be so self-judgmental!” The voice inside my head repeated sternly, attempting to convince, to justify my reasoning by placing blame on the recently dissolved remnants of my last failed relationship. I should feel liberated, after all, it was nothing but a shitty one-way affair, a fact that was realized all too late. I had invested too much of my hopes, too much of my heart towards a guy who was only out for his own self-gratification, and I had become all but blinded by it. He had never really noticed me, never really bothered to take the time to know me, so why had I wasted so much of my…

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What if Jena Malone worked for Helen Mirren at a big company?

Jena was a quiet, mousy girl who worked at a big company, as a corporate assistant. Her boss, Ms. Mirren, was the CEO. She was a much older British woman, who was definitely not one to be fucked with, which she’d seen a few younger execs make the mistake of doing, but at the same time treated Jena more like a friend than an assistant. Truth be told, Jena had a great amount of admiration for her boss, but sometimes, it felt like something…more. “Ms. Malone, can you come in here, please?” Jena went into Ms. Mirren’s office. “Yes, Ms. Mirren?” “Jena, how would you like to go to the big convention in London next week, as my guest?” “Really? I-uh, sure, but why me?” “Oh, come on, Jena. You know I’m useless without you.” Ms. Mirren winked at Jena, as she often did. As usual, Jena had to stifle a giggle. A week later, Jena was in London; she’d…

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Avril Lavigne rides her Harley down a country road and suddenly finds herself reunited with her long-lost lover

It was on the Twenty Seventh day of September and a popular pop singer named Avril Lavigne had just finished performing a concert in her hometown of Napanee, Ontario, Canada, just in time to get herself on her Harley Davidson motorcycle and started zooming her way on a deserted country road, only to discover another hardcore Harley rider driving his bike on exactly the same road. After they had raced their Harleys over to a large tree, the two riders had gotten off of their bikes and Avril had walked over to the rider of the second Harley just to shake his hand, only to have the look on her face change to that of complete shock, for after he had removed his helmet, the second Harley rider has revealed himself to be her long lost lover, Jason Brolin, who she hasn’t seen in about nine years. “Jason, I’ve thought that I would never see you again,” said Avril, who…

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Katarina Witt – Swimming Lessons

It was time again for the world championships. The pool area was completely deserted except for one lone swimmer, practicing her routine over and over, determined to get it perfect. Fransiska van Almsick. World-class swimmer. World champion. She continued her laps of the pool with her thoughts on only one thing, the title of champion once more. Her practice was interrupted by the sound of a door opening and closing at the far end of the pool area. Glancing over, Franzi noticed a well-dressed woman approaching. It took a few moments for her to recognize who it was. Katarina Witt walked along the side of the pool in the direction of Franzi. She had a notepad in her hand. Kati was working as a celebrity reporter, covering the swim meet. Franzi smiled and waved Hello. She and Kati have been friendly for many years, both being sport heroes in their native Germany. “What brings you here?” Franzi asked as Kati…

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Kirsten Dunst: American Girl

Standing in line behind 3 other people at Victoria’s Secret, I was returning a sexy outfit for my now ex- girlfriend. I had bought it as a birthday present for her, but since she dumped me two weeks ago, there really was no point in me wasting my money. Off in my own little world, lost in my thoughts, I stood there in line waiting to return the stuff. I was snapped out of my daze when a girl, no more than 5’3, bounded up behind me. Turning around to look at her, I was almost floored by her beauty. Her hair was long and blonde, pulled back in a ponytail. She had beautiful blue eyes that looked almost gray in the light of the store. Her body had highly accentuated curves and she had what I thought were probably large B cup breasts. Despite her body, she couldn’t have been more than 18. Her youthful face and innocent look…

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