Special Guest Star – Kat Dennings

“I missed this,” I thought I heard. With my face buried in Kat Denning’s bursting cleavage, I could be forgiven for not hearing her right. Nevertheless, I chose to believe I heard her right and said, “Me too,” although I probably made it hard for her to hear me. “Well, doy,” I heard a little better. At that point, I finally lifted my head out of her chest, and she used her lips to cover mine instead of talking some more. I relaxed onto the ratty fake TV couch of Kat’s ratty, fake TV apartment set, while Kat laid on top of me. She was still in her yellow, red striped TV waitress uniform from 2 Broke Girls, the show we both worked on – although she did much more than me. For this first day back on the set for Season Four, we were doing what we did after the first day of shooting in Seasons Two and Three….

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Pre-Oscar Night with Amy Adams

An Academy Award nominated actress was fucking me in the back seat of my car. On the day before the Oscars. Or so she told me at my favorite café this afternoon. She said her name was Amy Adams, but it didn’t ring a distinctive bell. If I’d seen that red hair and those big blue eyes on a big screen, though, I probably would have recognized it, but I didn’t. She said she was nominated for a movie called ‘Junebug’ but that didn’t ring a bell either. She said that she was a big bundle of nerves the night before going to the Oscars for the first time. And she needed to unwind. Or at least give herself some hot memory to compose herself before millions of people. That part I did get. Especially when I drove her to an alley and she started kissing me. I had enough composure to get us into my backseat first, where ‘Amy’…

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Kim Kardashian’s Comeback

I didn’t ask to be sucked down the rabbit hole of “Kimye.” Hell, it was the nanny agency’s idea. I don’t even know how they picked my agency, to be honest. Yet for some reason, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian called my agency to find a male nanny for their new baby – North West, as all bloggers and comedians know – and I won the lottery. For the next two-and-a-half months, I was driven privately to Kris Jenner’s mansion, where the new family was staying. Although Kanye wasn’t letting the Kardashian reality show cameras in to film the family, I still had to sign my share of non-disclosure forms. I worked in shifts with a female nanny, while trying not to listen too much to the parents – both for the sake of my job and my sanity. While half the world would love – or hate to love – listening to them every day, the other half would…

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Actress Goes Anal – with AnnaSophia Robb

It was a nice, normal night out in Long Island – a nice night to walk down the streets with a friend. A friend who was filming a television show here several months out of the year. A friend who was starring in this TV show – even if it was on the CW and was a prequel series. A friend who happened to be AnnaSophia Robb, of several Disney and young adult films, but currently of “The Carrie Diaries.” Only about over a million people knew about her and her show, according to the Nielsens. I wouldn’t have heard of it if they didn’t film in town, and if she didn’t come to my coffee shop every day, and if we hadn’t become actual friends for the last three months. But even if regular people didn’t know her or her show, a lot of Internet people did. If only because they made gifs starring her most famous body part….

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Amy Addams – Hottest Cougars

I didn’t know who Darren Le Gallo was when I first met him. Not many people would know him at first glance, probably. At least not without knowing what he’s best known for. I just knew him as an actor and artist who I befriended. I just saw him as a fellow artist who could lend support as I tried to make my way in the business. I didn’t know who else he knew in any other business. He didn’t even mention he had a fiancée right away. Perhaps I should have suspected that a bit more. At the time, I just took him at face value when he said he’d been together with a woman for over a decade, had a little daughter together, and were just now preparing to get married. He also said she was an actress, but he didn’t say who it was. I could have easily Googled Darren’s name the first day we met to…

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