A parody of the Harry Potter stories – Harry finds that Quidditch gives him rock star status with the ladies

Harry Potter opened the front door to number four,
Privit Drive and stepped inside. For the first time
that he could remember, Harry Potter actually felt
happy in the home of his Aunt and Uncle. That was
mainly because his Aunt Petunia, Uncle Vernon and their
son, Dudley weren’t at home. His aunt and uncle had
gone out to have dinner with Uncle Vernon’s employer.
Right about now, Harry thought, his uncle was busy
seeing how far he could stick his nose up his bosses

His cousin, the insufferable Dudley, had been out all
day. No doubt he was somewhere busily tormenting some
child much smaller and younger than he. So Harry had
taken advantage of the situation to slip out for some
ice cream. He had to be careful about such things. If
the Dursleys found out that he had any spending money,
they would no doubt steal it from him.

Harry fairly bounced up the stairs that led to his
bedroom. Tomorrow, he would be picked up by Ron Weasley
and Ron’s father. Harry was going to spend a week with
the Weasleys before he, Ron and Ginny, Ron’s sister,
headed back to Hogwarts. Harry was almost at his door
when he heard a feminine squeal come from Dudley’s
room. Harry stopped to listen and then walked quietly
to Dudley’s door.

“You’ve torn my shirt,” the girlish voice said.

“I told you to take it off, you little prick-tease,”
growled Dudley.

“I want to go,” said the girl.

“Not until you suck me off,” said Dudley. There was the
sound of a zipper being pulled and then the sounds of a
struggle complete with more tearing cloth.

Harry was frozen in place with surprise until he heard
a sharp slap and the girl’s cry of pain. He tried to
open Dudley’s door but it was locked. He didn’t
hesitate further. Harry slammed his shoulder into the
door and it popped opened with a loud crack of
splintering wood.

Dudley, standing in the center of his room, looked at
Harry in fright at first, but then his face became
enraged. “Get out of here Potter,” he screamed.

It took a lot to shock Harry. He had seen all sorts of
horrible beasts and magical sights in his short life.
But now he stopped dead in his tracks, mouth agape.
Just inside Dudley’s room, one of the girls from the
neighborhood was sitting on Dudley’s bed. Her name was
Darlene, as best Harry could remember. She was looking
angrily at Dudley and had her arms crossed beneath her
bare breasts. The two fleshy globes set atop her
forearms, nipples jutting ahead defiantly. When Harry
managed to lower his gaze, he saw that she was wearing
a pair of hip-hugging shorts and sneakers.

“Damn you Potter, I told you to get out of my room,”
roared Dudley.

Harry jerked his eyes sideways. As a young boy, Dudley
had been a whiney, lazy, pink blob of a boy. In his
middle teens, Dudley had grown into some of his fat so
that now, he was a whiney, lazy, obese bully.

Dudley had the torn remains of Darlene’s bra and top in
one hand. He was wearing a shirt, but he was naked from
the waist down. Harry couldn’t help but look at
Dudley’s crotch. There, peeking out from between his
bulging belly and fat laden thighs, was the little,
pink head of Dudley’s penis. It was the first erect
cock, other than his own, that Harry had ever seen. He
came to the conclusion, that either he, Harry, was
generously endowed, or that Dudley had practically
nothing at all.

Darlene slipped off the bed and ran out of the room.
“Come back here, you cow,” said Dudley. He took a step
as if to chase after her, but stopped when Harry turned
to face him. “Go hide in your room Potter,” growled
Dudley, “before I tell Mum and Dad about how you
smashed my door for no reason.”

“You’ll tell them anyway,” said Harry calmly. He knew
that he was already in deep trouble with his aunt and
uncle. They would never believe him if he told them
about the girl. They’d never take his word over their
darling little Duddums. But he wasn’t about to let
Dudley push him around.

Dudley stomped forward, throwing out an arm as if to
push Harry aside. Harry didn’t wait for Dudley’s huge
mass to mow him over. He stepped aside and grabbed
Dudley’s blubbery arm. Using his own momentum against
him, Harry propelled Dudley into the already damaged
door frame. There was a satisfying crunch, and a wail
of pain from Dudley. He staggered back and fell onto
his fat ass, clutching his nose. Blood began to seep
from both flattened nostrils.

“Stuff some tissue in your nose,” said Harry, sounding
as if he hardly cared, “it’ll stop bleeding in a few

Harry succeeded in wedging Dudley’s door closed as he
stepped out of the room. He was quite pleased with
himself as he walked the few feet to his door and
entered his bedroom. To his great surprise, Darlene was
there. “I thought that you had gone home,” he
stammered. She stood in the center of the room with one
hand on her hip and the tip of a forefinger in her
mouth. Her mascara limned eyes looked at him through
heavy, blonde bangs.

She took the finger from between her lips and whisked
the hair away from her face. Straightening up and
thrusting her breasts outward, she smiled and said, “I
couldn’t very well leave with my tits wobbling all over
the place.”

Harry looked at the way her breasts stood out firm and
proud from her chest. “I doubt that they would be
wobbling very much,” said Harry. He had to stop himself
from slapping his hand over his mouth. He couldn’t
believe that he had said such a thing. He was usually
tongue-tied around attractive girls.

She smiled at his evident discomfort and said, “Maybe
you could let me borrow a shirt?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” said Harry. He turned to his dresser
and rummaged through one of the drawers. He pulled out
a faded blue tee shirt that he had outgrown. “You can
have this.” He bashfully held the shirt out at arms
length until Darlene leaned forward and took it from
his fingers. She held the shirt up to her chest as if
she were checking its fit in a clothing store. She
dropped the shirt into one hand, revealing her breasts
once more, and smiled slyly at Harry.

Harry stared at Darlene’s chest. It was the first time
he had seen naked breasts outside of magazines or the
rare glimpse on television. He was mesmerized by the
sight of bare tit-flesh as she walked closer, so Harry
didn’t look into her eyes until she put her arms on his
shoulders. Suddenly, her face was coming closer, and
then she was kissing him.

It wasn’t the first time that Harry had felt lips on
his, but it was the first time he had felt a tongue
slip into his mouth. His dick was suddenly a throbbing,
aching mass in his pants. Darlene’s lips writhed wetly
on his mouth as Harry tentatively flipped the tip of
his tongue against her twisting, fleshly member. His
heart felt as if it were about to burst from his chest,
and he was afraid that his face was about go up in

Harry put the tips of his fingers on Darlene’s bare
waist. He began to return her kiss and was about to
push his tongue into her mouth, when Darlene pulled
back several steps. She pulled the tee-shirt on over
her head, and shook her hair into place. She looked
down at the front of Harry’s pants and a mocking little
smile played on her lips. Harry felt his face grow even
hotter, if that was possible. “Thank you for the shirt,
Harry,” she purred. “You’re a much better kisser than

Harry watched as Darlene tugged her borrowed shirt
tight against her breasts. She looked as if she were
preparing to leave. It had clearly been her intension
to arouse Harry just as she had Dudley, and then leave
him hard and aching. For the first time in his life,
Harry felt some sympathy for Dudley. This girl had
probably teased and aroused the boy until Dudley had
resorted to ripping off her clothes, and now she was
doing the same thing to Harry. That was her prerogative
of course, and she didn’t deserve to be raped because
she exercised it, but it did tend to make her a prick-
teasing bitch. Harry seethed with a mixture of anger
and frustrated sexual passion as Darlene walked by with
an unapologetic smirk on her face.

Darlene was almost out of Harry’s bedroom when her
footsteps slowed, and she came to a halt. She turned to
Harry with a look of fear and amazement. “What are you
doing to me?” she gasped as she slowly walked back
toward Harry.

Harry shrugged and threw out his arms. “Nothing, how
could I be doing anything?” But Harry thought that he
knew exactly what was happening. He was in a highly
emotional state, and subconsciously he was using his
magic. It had all happened before; like the time he had
unintentionally inflated his aunt like a balloon.
Darlene went to her knees in front of Harry. She pulled
down the zipper to his pants, and awkwardly pulled out
his stiff cock.

Harry winced as his erection scraped across his zipper.
He nearly blew his wad when Darlene’s hand began to
move hesitantly back and forth on his shaft. Her eyes
grew big as saucers as her body leaned in the direction
of Harry’s groin. “No,” she whined as her mouth opened.
Her lips slipped around the head of his cock.

Harry knew that this was all wrong. She didn’t want to
be doing this, and he shouldn’t let her. But he
couldn’t move; his legs were so weak they were shaking.
Besides, the feeling in his cock was intoxicating.
Harry had never imagined that anything could feel so
incredible. No wonder the older guys at school made
such a big deal out of fucking and sucking. Darlene’s
tongue touched the sensitive underside of his penis and
Harry exploded.

He felt the viscous globs of cum rolling through his
cock in a succession of creamy waves. To his surprise,
Darlene was actually sucking at his dick like she was
trying to draw a thick milkshake through a straw. She
hungrily gulped down his cum. When the erotic tension
finally drained from Harry’s body, Darlene was released
from his thrall. She fell back and sprawled on the
floor at Harry’s feet. With terrified eyes, Darlene
scrambled out of Harry’s room on her hands and knees.

Harry looked down at his slumping dick and said, “Well,
I’m glad you’ve had your fun, because all hell’s about
to let loose.”

Later that evening, the Dursleys arrived back home and
the house shook as Dudley ran down the stairs to tell
on Harry. Mr. and Mrs. Dursley took turns screaming at
Harry through his locked bedroom door while Harry
calmly packed his things into his trunk. He thought it
best not to wait until tomorrow to leave Privit Drive.
When the Dursleys exhausted themselves and went to bed,
Harry sneaked out of the house. It wasn’t easy, but he
eventually got his trunk and the cage that carried his
owl, Hedwig, to a dark part of the street. Harry stuck
his wand into the inky darkness of the night, and a few
minutes later he was rewarded by a visit from the
magical Knight Bus.

After its usual nerve wracking journey of near misses,
bone cracking stops and breath taking accelerations,
the bus left Harry at end of the drive to the Weasley
residence. It was just after midnight, and Harry was
afraid that all the Weasleys would be in bed. He
thought that there was no point in dragging his trunk
all the way up the drive that night, so Harry hid it
some weeds, then he released Hedwig so that she could
hunt for her dinner.

Harry walked up the drive and was nearly at the
Weasley’s house when he heard a soft, feminine giggle
and a murmur of voices from a clump of nearby trees.
Harry stepped onto the grass at the edge of the drive,
and then quietly moved nearer the trees. He followed
the voices until he saw a couple standing beneath a
large oak in the moonlight. Harry stood motionless and
unseen in the shadows, wondering what was going on.

“Please, Ginny, I need you so badly,” said a young,
masculine voice.

“I can tell,” said a girl’s voice with a giggle,
“you’re about to poke a hole in my tummy with your

Harry almost fell over in surprise. He didn’t recognize
the boy’s voice, but the girl’s definitely belonged to
Ginny Weasley. She was a year younger than Harry, and
he wouldn’t have thought that she knew anything about
cocks, but apparently he was wrong. The boy and Ginny
began to kiss. Harry could hear hot, liquid sounds as
their open lips squirmed against one another. He could
see her hands caressing the back of his neck, and his
hands roaming all over her body, including her breasts
and ass.

“Let’s do it right here,” said the boy, breathlessly.
“It’s warm and there’re plenty of dry leaves on the

“I am not going to fuck you here in the dirt.” Ginny
sounded exasperated.

Harry was shocked at her language, but good for you, he
thought. He could remember when Ginny was so shy that
she could hardly bear to be in the same room with him.
That’s why her next words were even more shocking.

“But I can do something else,” she said in a low,
surprisingly seductive voice.

Harry had a clear view of Ginny as she unzipped the
boy’s pants. She fumbled around a bit, but then she
pulled out his thoroughly rigid cock. The thing stood
erect as a pole from his pants. Harry was suddenly
achingly hard. He wished it was his dick that Ginny was
playing with. He watched as Ginny began to stroke the
boy’s erection with an overhand grip. Her arm moved
methodically. It seemed to Harry that she was entirely
too practiced at this sort of thing.

“Oh Ginny, that’s wonderful,” said the boy. The couple
maneuvered their faces about until they could manage an
awkward kiss while she continued to jerk him off.

Harry’s hand crept to the front of his pants. He
gripped his dick and wondered if he couldn’t get off
too. After all, it wasn’t as if the young couple was
aware of anything other than themselves. But just then
the boy said, “I’m cumming, Ginny, faster, do it

Harry saw Ginny’s arm pick up speed, but apparently she
wasn’t fast enough. The boy brushed her hand out of the
way and grabbed his cock. He began to beat his meat at
a furious pace, and a second later Harry saw two
squirts of cum fall to the ground through the

The boy put away his cock and gave Ginny a quick kiss.
“That was wonderful, but you know there’s a lot more
that we can do.”

“I know,” said Ginny, looking at the ground. She was
suddenly back to her old, shy self.

“When we get back to school, maybe then?” said the boy
in a questioning tone.

Back to school, thought Harry in surprise. Was he a
Hogwarts student? And what was he talking about? It
sounded like more than just sex.

“I told you I’d think about it,” Ginny said.

“All right then, I better go,” the boy said with a
sigh. “We can talk later.” He gave Ginny another peck
on the cheek. Ginny murmured a good-bye, and then the
boy stepped back onto the drive and strode away. In the
full moonlight, Harry recognized the boy. It was Angus
McKrewl. He was a seventh-year on the Slytherin
quidditch team. At school, they said that he was a
really great keeper, but that he didn’t get to play
very often because he refused to suck up to Lucious
Malfoy, Harry’s sworn enemy, and de facto leader of the
Slytherin team.

Harry didn’t move for several minutes until he was sure
that Angus was well and gone. Ginny had walked away in
the direction of the Weasley’s house. Harry followed in
her wake, although she was nowhere to be seen when he
entered the house. The magic spells that protected the
Weasley home knew Harry, so there was no alarm when he
slipped inside and fell asleep on the sofa in the

Harry was discovered by the Weasleys the next morning.
Mrs. Weasley immediately insisted that Harry eat an
enormous breakfast. “I know why Dumbledore is adamant
that you stay with the Dursleys,” said Mrs. Weasley
after Harry had explained � only in very general terms
� why he had fled from his relatives, “but they are
really such dreadful people.”

After breakfast, Harry and Ron retrieved Harry’s trunk
from the end of the drive. Harry looked meaningfully at
the copse of trees where Ginny and Angus had been
making out the previous night, but he didn’t dare say
anything to Ron about it. Ron would have gone ballistic
and probably would have tried to kill the boy. They put
Harry’s trunk in the bedroom of Fred and George, the
Weasley twins. They were off on holiday.

Hermione arrived at the Weasley’s house the next day.
She moved in with Ginny, and then the two girls, plus
Harry and Ron, spent the rest of the day catching up on
all the latest gossip.

The next day Ron was scheduled to go shopping for
clothes with his mum and Harry. The boys decided to get
in some quidditch practice beforehand. They got on
their brooms and zoomed about above the Weasley’s
garden. After Harry scored about ten imaginary goals,
Ron cried out in frustration, “Just how in the hell do
you keep getting by me?”

Harry came up beside Ron as they slowly flew above the
garden. “Well,” said Harry, “I do have a better broom,
but you could be making those turns more quickly.”

“How?” asked Ron.

“Look,” Harry said loudly as he flew off, “you lean
over and then flick the tail around as you accelerate.
You have to trust the speed of the turn to bring you
upright once more.” He demonstrated the turn by looping
around Ron and then approached him from behind.

“Lean, flick and accelerate,” said Ron as he put the
words into action.

Unfortunately, Harry wasn’t paying attention. The next
thing he saw was the end of Ron’s broom as it smacked
him between the eyes.

“Harry, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” said an anxious
Ron as he hovered over Harry’s face.

Harry looked up. He had managed to get near ground
level before he’d rolled off his broom and collapsed
onto the green grass of the garden. He took a quick
inventory of his body parts. “I think so,” he said.

“You’re getting an awful bump on your forehead,” Ron
said. “We better let Mum have a look straight away or
she’ll be angry.”

A few minutes later Mrs. Weasley was tut-tuting over
Harry’s injury. “Those brooms will be the death of one
you boys yet,” she said as she leafed through a book of
common remedy spells. Finding something appropriate,
she waved her wand over Harry’s head as she murmured an
incantation. “How’s that, dear?” she asked him.

Harry felt a cool sensation on his aching forehead and
some of the pain went away. “Much better, thanks,” he

Mrs. Weasley pursed her lips and studied Harry’s face.
“I believe that you should stay here and rest,” she
said firmly. “Ron and I won’t be long with our

“Okay,” said Harry. He figured that watching Ron try on
clothes wasn’t going to be much fun anyway.

“Now go upstairs and have a lie down. Hermione and
Ginny are here if you need any help,” said Mrs.

“Alright,” said Harry. He watched as Ron and his mother
walked into the fireplace and disappeared into the flue
network through a blaze of green flames. He trudged up
the stairs and headed for his room. He was just passing
Ginny’s room when he heard voices.

“Not even with Harry or Ron?” Ginny was saying in a
doubtful voice.

“No, of course not, especially not them,” said Hermione

“Not even a kiss?” said Ginny.

“Well of course I’ve kissed other boys,” Hermione said,
“just not that way.”

Harry’s ears perked up. He was suddenly distracted from
the pain in his head. He crouched and looked through
the ancient keyhole in the door. He could see part of
Ginny’s room, but nothing of the two girls. Abruptly he
remembered something that the Weasley twins had shown
him once upon a time. He quickly and quietly went to
the twin’s room where he was staying.

The twins did a small business in novelty items and
devices used for practical jokes. Harry opened their
closet and slid aside a secret panel to reveal their
stash of merchandise. They had to keep the stuff hidden
from their mother. Harry prodded around the boxes until
he found the one he wanted. Key-Opticizer, it said on
the box. Harry opened it and pulled out a very strange
looking pair of glasses.

The lenses had been replaced by a soft plastic looking
substance that bulged outward and then tapered down to
a meter long tube. At the end of the tube was an eye in
the shape of a keyhole. Harry hurried back to Ginny’s
room, tip-toeing the last few steps. He fitted the end
of the tube into the keyhole and put on the glasses. He
had to wiggle the tube a bit to get the eye in place,
but then Ginny’s room jumped into view.

Ginny and Hermione were standing beside a wide bed,
facing one another at arms length. “Don’t worry,” Ginny
was saying, “it’s easy.”

Ginny stepped forward and placed her fingertips on
Hermione’s hips. On reflex, Hermione put her hands
lightly on Ginny’s forearms. Ginny tilted her head and
inched closer. Holy shit, she’s going to kiss her,
thought Harry, and then she did. Ever so softly and
hesitantly, Ginny’s lips met Hermione’s. They froze for
an instant, and then Ginny began to move her head and
lips in a proper kiss. This went on for several seconds
then they parted.

“You’re never going to learn how to snoggle properly if
you keep your lips locked down like that,” Ginny said.
Hermione sighed, nodded and presented her face once
more. They embraced and this time Hermione kissed back.
Harry’s dick swelled in his pants and began to throb.
He reached down and gave it a squeeze.

Ginny’s tongue licked at Hermione’s lips, and then
slipped inside her mouth. Instantly Hermione followed
suit. Now their tongues flashed back and forth as their
lips twisted and turned against one another. Ginny slid
her hands onto Hermione’s ass cheeks and pulled her
closer. They kissed until both girls were flush and

“That was amazing,” Hermione said when they came up for

“I know,” said Ginny. Her hands came away from
Hermione’s ass, but the girls didn’t separate. Ginny
reached up and cupped Hermione’s breasts. Hermione bit
her lower lip and watched Ginny’s hands as they
caressed and stroked her tits. She tentatively traced
the outline of Ginny’s breasts with her fingertips.

Ginny kissed her once more. She grasped the hem of
Hermione’s tight t-shirt and pulled it over the girl’s
head, revealing the rounded cups of her flesh-colored
bra. Ginny kissed the flesh above the softly bulging
cups and rubbed her thumbs over Hermione’s nipples. The
girls looked into one another’s eyes as they explored
their bodies with their fingertips. Harry was beginning
to learn what the term erotic meant. He gasped when it
was Hermione’s turn to strip away Ginny’s top. She
wasn’t wearing a bra. Her breasts weren’t large, but
they stood out nicely.

Ginny gave Hermione another deep kiss as she unbuttoned
the girl’s jeans and pulled down the zipper. In a
flash, she pulled the jeans down around Hermione’s
ankles and gave her a push. With a squeal and a laugh,
Hermione fell onto the bed. Ginny finished pulling off
her jeans and tossed them aside. There was much
giggling as Ginny tussled with Hermione’s panties until
they finally joined her jeans on the floor.

Now both girls were on the bed. Ginny was still taking
charge of the action over the older Hermione. She
leaned over Hermione, kissing her and fondling her
breasts. Slowly, her hand moved down Hermione’s smooth
stomach until she was pressing on the girl’s pussy
mound. Hermione whimpered softly. Ginny got off the bed
and took the time to get rid of her pants. When she
crawled back over Hermione there was much full body
contact with arms, legs, lips and hands rubbing and
caressing their nubile forms.

Ginny positioned herself between Hermione’s legs,
kissing and fingering her inner thighs. Ginny’s lips
brushed at her pussy. Hermione leaned back and closed
her eyes as Ginny closed in on her clit and gave it a
tender kiss. Hermione writhed slowly on the bed as
Ginny’s tongue and lips became more insistent.

Hermione began to make low moaning sounds. Her back
arched with each moan. The moans became louder as Ginny
continued relentlessly to lash her tongue over
Hermione’s clit. Finally, Hermione’s voice broke
roughly and she grabbed at her tits as she came. Her
orgasm quickly peaked, and then her moans became softer
as the waves of passion subsided. Ginny slipped her
body upwards until her tits were available to
Hermione’s lips. She kissed Ginny’s breasts as her
hands roamed all over the girl’s body. Ginny curled
against Hermione with her pussy rubbing against
Hermione’s hip.

Hermione grew bolder and dipped her fingers to Ginny’s
flowering vaginal lips. Now it was Ginny’s turn to moan
softly. She buried her face in Hermione’s shoulder and
put her hand on Hermione’s hand. Ginny guided her
fingers with ever increasing fervor. In seconds she was
shuddering through her orgasm. The girls kissed and
hugged for another minute and then their erotic
adventure dissolved into a fit of giggles.

“That’s so fucking hot,” Harry whispered to himself. He
gathered up the Key-Opticizer and went back to his
room. With shaking hands, he made sure that the Key-
Opticizer was securely stored in its hiding spot. He
lay on his bed and fumbled his cock out of his pants.
Visions of Hermione and Ginny flashed through his
imagination as he frantically jerked off. In seconds he
was shooting his wad into a handful of tissues.


Two weeks into the school year, Dumbledore, the
headmaster at Hogwarts, made an announcement one night
at the evening meal. “As you all know,” he said from
the teacher’s table of the dining hall, “at the
beginning of the year there is an informal quidditch
team made up of sixth and seventh year players. I
believe it usually referred to as the Senior team.
Usually, this team travels to other schools in Europe
for exhibition matches. However, this year there will
be a change. Some of the wizard schools in America have
taken up the sport. They have put together a team from
the best of their players and wish to play a team from

There was general, derisive laughter at that statement.
“We’ll beat them a thousand to nil,” cheered a voice
from the Hufflepuff table. Other calls and cheers
erupted from the dining hall.

“Now, now,” continued Dumbledore, raising his hands
for silence, “as usual, we can expect our American
cousins to be enthusiastic, if not highly skilled. The
match will be played at the Bunra School of Magic. It
is somewhere on the east coast in the states. Its exact
location is, of course, kept secret. This year we have
at least two players for each position on the Senior
team, except at seeker. So, in order to round out the
team, Madam Hooch and I have made an addition.”

“They need another seeker, I bet you get picked,” said
Ron Weasley who was sitting at Harry’s elbow.

“I hope so,” said Harry, “I’ve never been to America.”

Dumbledore was saying, “…and so we have named Harry
Potter to fill the second seeker spot.” There was
general applause and cheering at that announcement,
except from the Slytherin table. “In addition to the
team itself, students who are academically eligible
will be invited to come along to support their fellow
students. Also, each member of the team will be able to
invite a friend to accompany him on the trip regardless
of their academic standing,” continued Dumbledore.

When the announcements ended and the students
dismissed, Harry was surrounded by Gryffindor students
who congratulated him and hinted that they would like
to be the ones to go to America as his guest. Harry had
already figured out that Hermione would be able to go
based on her high marks, and that he would be asking
Ron to go as his guest.

Tom Smith, a member of Hufflepuff and the other seeker
on the Senior team came up to Harry and said,
“Congratulations Harry, could we talk in private for a
bit? It’s team business.”